Maternal Mental Health Research Collaborative
Maternal Mental Health Research Collaborative
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MMHRC Blog

“The Monster” of Postpartum Psychosis: Rachel’s Story

Trigger warning: Suicidality, psychosis, and mania “I don’t feel like myself,” I told my doctor at four months postpartum. “I don’t want to do anything. Nothing feels right. And…” The tears threatened to squeeze out from between my eyelids. “And I have thoughts of hurting my baby.” The doctor stared at me coldly for a…

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Alicia’s Story: Nothing About Motherhood Came Naturally to Me

After five years, I’ve lost most of the guilt that I’ve carried around for far too long; the shame that accompanies missing out on the first nine months of your baby’s life. Physically I was there and in the eyes of most observers, I was a wonderful, loving mother. Love him – I did –…

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Nicole’s Story: The Emotional Roller Coaster Started Earlier Than I Expected

I was never one to get ‘baby fever’ or even know when it was a good time to have a baby. My husband and I knew we wanted to have a family but we were not sure when it would be a good time to start trying. Who is ever financially ready to start a…

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Kasia’s Story: Life Got Very Real, Very Fast

I had my first babies at a much later age than most women – I was 36. For me getting pregnant was not the easiest thing to do. Thankfully after almost 10 years of trying, we got pregnant with twins – a boy and a girl.  Life couldn’t be any better, right? Struggles with Infertility…

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Allison’s Story: The Need to Escape My Life Didn’t Stop

Mom and dad with toddler girl

Sometimes I wonder if it was all just a dream; a really, really frightening dream. The way I feel now towards my daughter can’t compare. Only when I dwell on certain pictures or my husband brings it up do I remember that we in fact lived it, and we somehow survived. My deepest hope is…

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Beth’s Story: My New Normal Now Includes Mental Illness

My pregnancy was blissful with very little morning sickness or fatigue. I had perfect blood work and perfect ultrasounds. Everything was perfect, perfect, perfect.  My body was doing exactly what it should do and my baby was growing beautifully. There Were Still Risk Factors I had absolutely no depression, and just general (normal) worry about…

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Alison’s Story: When You’re in a Fog…You Don’t Know You Need Help

Mom with baby in NICU

My name is Alison, I’m 37 years old and a first-time mom. My baby was born two months early. I think to people who haven’t had kids born early (like me at the time) you just think the experience must be a bit surprising. Maybe you didn’t have the hospital bag packed yet, or you…

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After Postpartum Depression, There’s No Shame in Only Having One Child

Woman sitting on beach holding young son

After a nightmare experience with postpartum depression, anxiety and PTSD, I have one child and I’ve put the reproductive stage of my life behind me. I was blessed with a magical little boy who turned five only a month ago. His status as an only child will stay, and it’s taken me the last five…

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Intrusive Thoughts Are Scary But They Don’t Make You a Bad Mom

Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome and often very upsetting thoughts that can literally come out of nowhere and leave you horrified. In a flash you may have a vision of dropping your baby or somehow hurting them with your kitchen knives. This thought leaves any mom terrified of what she may be capable of. Intrusive thoughts…

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